“Fiona kissed me.”
“Explains why you’re sucking ass at this. Where’d she come from?” Jeremy said, turning off the Xbox and looking to me.
“Some sort of hell. I think she’s Satan or some sort of vixen,” I muttered.
“You know what you need? You need to get shitfaced.”
And so, my face was shat upon with much alcohol.
I felt woozy and wobbly and sad and lonely and I wanted a hug. Jeremy was passed out on his bunk, and besides the drone of the television, I was alone. Before I could follow my actions, I was dialing Ardor’s number and hugging myself with the other arm.
I cut her off as she answered the phone, “Ardor. I need you to listen to me. Are you listening to me?”
I didn’t pause to let her reply. “I just looove you so much and I know we don’t know each other very well but you have pretty eyes and I like you. I was playing Call of Duty tonight and every time I shot a guy, I thought of you and I know that’s freaky but I did. Because I was shooting you each time. I did something the other night and I feel sooo bad about it. My ex came over and she kissed me and I enjoyed it but I love you. Looove you. I hope you love me too. But I think you hate me now. Do you hate me? I’d hate me. You remember how you found that penny? I found a penny and it’s you. I don’t want a quarter because you’re a pretty penny. My penny. Better than a Benjamin bill and I’m drunk. I want to throw up because I’m dumb for getting drunk and I wanna cuddle. Is that gay? I tried cuddling Jeremy earlier, but he told me to stop being a fuckin’ creep. I just wanted someone to touch. Can I touch you? I just wanna be with you.”
The next morning I was sitting in bed, at home and under the covers vaguely remembering a call home to my uncle. The stillness in the room shook the edges of my brain down and destabilized me. I noticed the outline of a video game case next to my bed that I hadn’t set there and grabbed for. Attached to its cover was a note from Ardor. It must have been from my birthday party, somehow gone amiss. She had written to me the confessions of awkwardness and forgave me for my shortcomings and lovingly joked about it and had given me another gift and I felt terrible.
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